Caring for elderly parents from a distance

By Bojan Gasparovic, who makes AmiFam · October 28, 2026

1. Build a circle close to them

From far away, the most useful thing you can have is a person nearby. Make a short list, and make sure everybody on it has your number:

• A neighbour or friend with a key
• A relative or old friend in the same town
• Their doctor's practice and the local pharmacy
• Anyone who already comes to the house: a cleaner, a carer, the person who delivers the shopping

Thank them often. A neighbour who knows that you count on them is more likely to knock on the door when the curtains stay closed.

2. Keep the important things in one place

When something happens, you lose hours looking for a phone number. Keep one shared document with:

• Their doctor, medicines and allergies
• Their health card or insurance number
• Who has a key, and the door or gate codes
• The numbers of the circle above
• Where they keep their important papers

Also talk to them about a power of attorney while they are well. The rules differ from country to country, so ask a lawyer or notary in the country where they live.

3. Agree on a rhythm of contact

A call at a set time gives the day a shape, for both of you. Keep it a chat, not a test: if every call starts with "Did you take your pills?", they stop picking up.

Video calls show you more than a voice can: how they move, how the kitchen looks, whether they look tired.

4. Use your visits well

When you are there, look around quietly:

• Is the fridge full, and is the food in date?
• Is post piling up, or are bills unpaid?
• Do they move more slowly, or hold on to furniture?
• Are there new bruises, or burns on pans?
• Is the home too hot or too cold?

Then meet the circle: say hello to the neighbour and the pharmacist in person.

5. Know the local services

• Spain: the servicios sociales of the town hall, and teleasistencia, a personal alarm that is free or low cost for many people over 65. See what teleasistencia costs (in Spanish).
• United Kingdom: adult social care at the local council, and Age UK.
• United States: the local Area Agency on Aging, which you can find through the Eldercare Locator.

6. Share the work with your siblings

Long-distance care often falls on one person. Split it out loud: who calls on which day, who is the contact for the neighbour, who handles the papers, who visits when. A family group chat keeps everybody up to date without five separate calls to your mom.

7. Know they are OK between calls

The hardest part of caring from far away is the silence between calls. AmiFam is an Android app that shares a normal day from what the phone already does. You and your parent both install it, and your parent chooses what to share with you:

• The first unlock in the morning, so you see that they started the day
• When the charger is plugged in or unplugged
• When the battery is low
• When the phone turns off or on

You can get a notification when their phone is not used for 3, 6, 12 or 24 hours during their day. The whole family can follow, so your brother in another country sees the same day you see. It works both ways, so your parent sees that you are OK too. AmiFam never shares location, messages, calls, contacts, photos or the apps someone uses.

AmiFam does not call emergency services. If your parent needs someone to come to them in an emergency, keep a personal alarm as well.

8. Look after yourself too

Worry from far away is tiring, and guilt makes it worse. You cannot be there for everything, and nobody can. A good circle and a few simple systems let you stop checking your phone every hour.