How to check on an elderly parent who lives alone

First, talk about it together

Ask your parent what they want before you choose anything. Most older people refuse anything that feels like being watched or treated like a child. They agree to what they chose themselves.

• Start from their side: what do they want to happen if they fall or feel unwell?
• Agree on who gets told first. Many parents want their family to know, not an ambulance for every small thing.
• Make it work both ways when you can, so they also see that you are OK.
• Start small. You can add more later.

The ways to check on them

• Regular calls or messages

  A call every morning, or a message at a set time.

  Good: Free and personal, and you hear how they are.

  Watch out: Both sides get tired of it, and a missed call can mean anything. Agree on a time, and on what happens if nobody answers.

• A neighbour or friend nearby

  Someone close by who has a key and can look in.

  Good: The fastest real help, often minutes away.

  Watch out: They need to know when to go. Tell them who to call, and keep their number next to yours.

• A personal alarm

  A button on a pendant or wristband that calls a response centre or the family.

  Good: Help comes when they press it, at any hour. Some alarms also detect a fall.

  Watch out: It works only if they wear it and press it. Many alarms end up in a drawer or next to the bed. It costs a monthly fee, which public services or insurance sometimes pay.

• A smartwatch with fall detection

  A watch that notices a hard fall and calls for help by itself.

  Good: There is no button to press after a fall.

  Watch out: It has to be worn and charged every day, and it can miss a slow fall.

• Cameras and home sensors

  Cameras in the home, or sensors on doors and in rooms that learn a routine.

  Good: You see a lot about their day.

  Watch out: Many parents feel spied on, most of all with cameras. Sensors have to be fitted in the home and usually cost a monthly fee.

• Location sharing apps

  An app that shows on a map where their phone is.

  Good: You see where they are.

  Watch out: A location does not tell you that they are well, and many parents feel tracked.

• Daily check-in apps

  Your parent taps a button once a day. If they do not, you get a message.

  Good: Simple, and they choose to say that they are OK.

  Watch out: The tap is easy to forget, and after a missed tap it can take a day before anyone knows.

• An app that reads normal phone use

  A phone already shows when someone is up and about: they unlock it in the morning, plug in the charger, and the battery runs low. An app can share this with the family, and tell you when the phone goes quiet for too long.

  Good: There is nothing to press, wear or charge, apart from the phone they already use.

  Watch out: It tells you that the phone is used, not how they feel. It is not an emergency service and calls no one for them.

Where AmiFam fits

AmiFam is an app of the last kind, for Android phones. You and your parent both install it, and your parent chooses what to share with you:

• The first unlock in the morning, so you see that they started the day
• When the charger is plugged in or unplugged
• When the battery is low
• When the phone turns off or on
• A manual check-in with one tap, if they want to say hello

You can get a notification when their phone is not used for 3, 6, 12 or 24 hours during their day. You choose the hours of their day, so the night does not count.

AmiFam never shares their location, messages, calls, contacts, photos or the apps they use. It works both ways, so you can share your day with them too.

AmiFam does not call emergency services. If your parent needs someone to come to them in an emergency, keep a personal alarm as well.

A simple plan

1. Talk with your parent and agree on what they are happy to share.
2. Agree who gets told first, and who has a key.
3. Pick the ways that fit them. Often that is a phone app for every day, and a personal alarm if falls are a real risk.
4. Choose the hours of their day, so you get a notification only when something is unusual.
5. Try it for two weeks, then talk again.